Guiding Your Child Through Grief

Grief can profoundly affect children, shaping how they process loss and cope with emotions. As an athlete-parent, balancing professional responsibilities with the need to guide your child through grief may feel daunting. However, unique and practical strategies can help your child find understanding, resilience, and hope during difficult times.

1. Use Storytelling as a Healing Tool

Storytelling offers a creative and indirect way for children to process their emotions.

• What to Do:

  • Ask your child to create a story about a hero (this can be them or a fictional character) who navigates a loss and learns to overcome challenges.

  • Use books or movies with age-appropriate themes of loss and resilience to spark conversations.

    • For younger children, stories like The Invisible String or Ida, Always.

    • For older children, movies like Inside Out can help explain complex emotions.

  • As you read or create stories together, encourage them to explore feelings like sadness, fear, or hope within a safe and symbolic context.

2. Foster Connection Through Shared Legacy Activities

Honoring a loved one or addressing the loss doesn’t have to be limited to passive reflection. Engage in active, shared projects to celebrate the memory of who or what they’ve lost.

• Ideas:

  • Recipe Remembrance: Cook a favorite dish of the person they’ve lost as a way to celebrate their memory.

  • Memory Walk: Visit a place significant to the person they’re grieving and share positive memories.

  • Creative Dedication: Work together on a piece of art, a scrapbook, or a garden that represents their love and memories.

3. Teach Them to “Name and Tame” Their Emotions

Children often feel overwhelmed by grief because they lack the language to articulate what they’re experiencing. Helping them label their emotions can make them feel more manageable.

• What to Do:

  • Introduce an “emotion wheel” or chart with different feelings listed, from sadness to guilt to anger.

  • Ask questions like:

    • “What color would you give your feelings right now?”

    • “Can you point to the word that matches how your heart feels?”

  • Once they’ve named their emotion, guide them to an action:

    • Sadness → Hug or quiet time.

    • Anger → Drawing or tearing paper safely.

    • Fear → Deep breathing or grounding techniques.

4. Help Them Create a Comfort Kit

A comfort kit gives children tools to turn to when grief feels too big to handle.

• How to Build It:

  • Include small, meaningful objects:

    • A favorite photo or keepsake from the loved one they lost.

    • A soft toy, blanket, or sensory item for physical comfort.

  • Add calming tools:

    • A small journal or sketchbook for self-expression.

    • Noise-canceling headphones and a playlist of soothing music.

    • A “worry stone” they can hold when anxious or overwhelmed.

5. Use Physical Movement as Emotional Expression

Grief doesn’t just live in the mind—it can manifest physically, especially for children. Encourage movement as a way to process emotions.

• Creative Physical Activities:

  • Emotion Release Dance: Have them create a dance that represents their feelings (e.g., slow movements for sadness, sharp moves for frustration).

  • Anger Stomp: Let them stomp or jump on bubble wrap to release pent-up anger.

  • Nature Hikes: Walking outdoors offers grounding and a sense of renewal, allowing them to feel more connected to life.

6. Allow for Silence and Reflection

Sometimes, children need quiet time to process their emotions without pressure to explain or share.

• How to Support Silence:

  • Provide a quiet, dedicated space where they can sit, reflect, or engage in calming activities like puzzles or coloring.

  • Model reflection by sitting with them silently, perhaps with a candle or gentle music, to show that you’re there even without words.

  • Remind them that it’s okay not to have answers or solutions right now.

7. Introduce Gratitude as a Way to Reframe Loss

Gratitude doesn’t erase grief, but it can coexist alongside it, providing balance and perspective.

• Actionable Ideas:

  • Create a “Gratitude and Memories” jar where they write both positive memories of their loved one and things they’re thankful for today.

  • Encourage them to share one thing they’re grateful for during meals or bedtime.

  • Show them how to combine gratitude with grief:

    • “We miss Grandpa so much, but we’re thankful for all the stories he shared with us.”

8. Encourage Peer Connection

Grief can feel isolating for children, especially if they believe no one else understands what they’re going through. Facilitating peer connections can help them feel less alone.

• Ways to Encourage Peer Support:

  • Introduce them to age-appropriate grief groups or camps.

  • Help them write or draw cards to share with friends, opening the door for dialogue.

  • Suggest connecting with teammates who may also be experiencing the loss or similar feelings.

9. Revisit and Reaffirm Over Time

Grief isn’t a one-time process. Revisit the conversation and adjust your support as your child grows or their feelings evolve.

• What to Watch For Over Time:

  • Are they revisiting the loss with new questions or emotions?

  • Are milestones like birthdays or holidays triggering new waves of grief?

  • Do they seem ready to take on new ways of honoring or discussing the loss?

10. Remind Them of Their Strength

Acknowledge the courage it takes for your child to navigate grief. Helping them see their own resilience can empower them to face future challenges.

• How to Celebrate Their Strength:

  • Praise their efforts: “I’m so proud of how you’ve been handling these tough feelings.”

  • Highlight their growth: “I see how brave you’ve been, even when it’s hard.”

  • Reinforce that they are not alone in their journey: “We’re in this together, and I’ll always be here for you.”

Final Thoughts

Helping a child through grief requires creativity, patience, and a willingness to meet them where they are emotionally. By using storytelling, movement, gratitude, and personalized strategies, you can provide fresh avenues for healing that go beyond the conventional advice.

As an athlete-parent, your ability to balance your professional commitments with your child’s emotional needs sets a powerful example of resilience and care. Together, you can navigate the journey of grief, honoring the past while finding hope for the future.