Watching your child struggle to adjust to a higher level in their sport can be heart-wrenching. You see their effort, dedication, and passion, but you also see their frustration, sadness, and self-doubt when they feel like they’re not measuring up. As a parent, you want to help, but it’s hard to know exactly what to say or do.
The transition to a more intense level—whether it’s moving up an age group, joining a higher division, or competing at a more advanced level—can be one of the most challenging times for an athlete. Here’s how you can support your child during this difficult but important part of their journey.
1. Normalize the Struggle
It’s important for your child to understand that struggling during this transition is normal. Adjusting to higher levels often means facing faster competition, tougher opponents, and higher expectations.
What to say:
“Everyone goes through this when they level up. It’s a sign that you’re growing.”
“This stage is tough, but it’s also where you’ll improve the most.”
Reassuring them that their struggle is part of the process can help ease their worry and frustration.
2. Focus on Effort Over Results
At a higher level, results may take longer to come, even if your child is putting in maximum effort. Emphasize that the effort they’re giving is what matters most.
What to do:
Praise their hard work, determination, and perseverance rather than focusing on outcomes.
Highlight the progress they’re making, even if it’s small or doesn’t show up on the scoreboard.
Remind them that improvement happens gradually, not overnight.
What to say:
“I’m so proud of how hard you’re working. That’s what really counts.”
“You’re facing challenges that are making you stronger every day.”
3. Be a Source of Encouragement, Not Pressure
Your child is likely already putting pressure on themselves to perform. As a parent, your role is to be their safe place where they feel supported, not judged.
Avoid:
Comparing them to teammates or opponents.
Criticizing their mistakes or struggles.
Instead:
Offer encouragement and remind them that you believe in them.
Let them know you’re proud of their commitment and effort, regardless of the outcome.
What to say:
“I believe in you, no matter what. Keep giving your best, and you’ll find your rhythm.”
4. Help Them Manage Expectations
At a higher level, success might look different. It’s important to help your child set realistic expectations while still striving to improve.
What to discuss:
The need for patience: Improvement takes time, especially against tougher competition.
Redefining success: Celebrate things like improved technique, better decision-making, or staying resilient, even if they’re not winning games or excelling just yet.
What to say:
“Success isn’t just about winning—it’s about learning and growing.”
“Every time you step on the field, court, or track, you’re getting closer to your goals.”
5. Teach Resilience and Growth Mindset
This is an opportunity to help your child build mental toughness and a growth mindset—skills that will serve them well in sports and life.
How to encourage resilience:
Share stories of athletes or people they admire who overcame challenges.
Remind them that setbacks are part of progress, not signs of failure.
Teach them to focus on controllables, like effort, attitude, and preparation.
What to say:
“Every great athlete has struggled. This is just one step on your journey.”
“What can you learn from this experience to make you better?”
6. Help Them Create a Plan for Improvement
Feeling lost or overwhelmed can make it hard for your child to take action. Help them break things down into small, manageable goals.
Steps to take:
Encourage them to identify one or two areas they want to improve.
Invite them to work with their coach to create a plan for focused practice or training.
Celebrate small wins along the way, like mastering a new skill or improving fitness.
What to say:
“Let’s focus on one thing at a time. What’s one area you want to get better at?”
“You don’t have to figure this out all at once. Let’s take it step by step.”
7. Be Patient and Stay Positive
Transitions take time. Your child needs to know that they have your support, even if progress is slow.
What to remember:
Their self-esteem is likely fragile during this period—be gentle and encouraging.
Stay positive, even when they feel discouraged. Your optimism can help lift their spirits.
What to say:
“I know this is hard, but I see how strong and capable you are. You’ll get there.”
“I’m here for you, no matter what. We’ll get through this together.”
8. Help Them Find Joy in the Process
When performance feels like a constant uphill battle, it’s easy for your child to lose sight of why they started playing in the first place. Encourage them to reconnect with the fun and passion that got them into the sport.
How to help:
Remind them to celebrate small moments, like a great pass, a fun practice, or bonding with teammates.
Plan lighthearted activities that remind them of the joy in their sport, like a pickup game or watching their favorite athletes.
What to say:
“Remember why you started playing? It’s because you love this game.”
“Focus on what you enjoy—you’re at your best when you’re having fun.”
Final Thoughts
Adjusting to a higher level in sports is challenging, but it’s also an opportunity for growth, resilience, and long-term success. As a parent, your unconditional support, encouragement, and perspective can make all the difference during this transition.
Remind your child that struggles are temporary, but the skills and strength they gain from overcoming them will last a lifetime. With time, patience, and the right mindset, they’ll not only adjust to the intensity of the new level but thrive in it.
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